Latest 18+ adult funny jokes and non veg jokes in hindi/urdu

1- Male vs Female Minds

Ek Psychologist Ne Ladko Aur Ladkiyon Ke Dimag Mein Kya Chalta Hai Iske Baare Mein Detail Mein Research Ki Aur Ye Result Nikaala...

Female Brain:

10% - Jewellery

30% - Shopping

25% - Money

20% - Enjoyment

14% - Kitchen Care

1% - Deni Hai

Male Brain:

96% - Leni hai...

1% - Kaise Leni Hai...

1% - Kiski Leni Hai...

1% - Kab Leni hai...

2- College Mein Pappu Aur Uski Ek Friend Canteen Ke Bahar Bethe Baatein Kar Rahe Thhe

Pappu Ki Friend Ne Ahista Se Pappu Ko Bola

Ladki: “Main Apni Zindagi Mein Koi Lamba Hath Maarna Chahti Hoon”

Pappu Kameene Pan Se Bola: “Tum Sirf Hath Maaro Lamba Khud Hi Ho Jayega“

3- Teacher Ne Class Mein Pappu Se Pucha

Teacher: “Batao Ladkiya Dupatta Kyun Pahnti Hai?”

Pappu: “Mam, Science Ki Wajah Se”

Teacher: “Wo Kaisi”

Pappu: “Kyunki Science Bhi Is Baat Ko Manti Hai Ki Khane Peene Ki Cheezo Ko Dhakk Kar Rakhna Chahiye“

4- Bus Stop Par Chinki Bus Ki Wait Kar Rahi Thi Aur Apne Mobile Par Kisi Se Baat Kar Rahi Thi

Ek Ashiq Mizaz Ladka Uske Pass Aaya Aur Shayarana Andaaz Mein Bola

Ladka: “Kaash Mein Mobile Hota Aur Tere Gaal Se Laga Hota”

Chinki Muskura Ke Boli: “Sachi, Par Soch Le Main Ghar Jaakar Charger Phir Tere Kahaan Lagati"

5- Pappu: Bhaisaab Ek Condom Dena. Maine Girl Friend Ko Gift Dena Hai.

Dukandar: Is Par Cover Chada Dun Kya?

Santa: Arre Nahin Bhai, Ye Cover Hi Hai, Gift Toh Mere Paas Hai.

6- Bade Ghar Ki Bahurani

Bihar Ke Is Gaon Mein Cinema Hall Waale Aaj Bhi Film Ka Prachaar Rikshaw Mein Loudspeaker Laga Ke Karte Hain. Ek Din Ek Nayi Film Aayi Aur Uska Announcemnt Kuch Is Tarah Se Ho Raha Tha:

Aaiye, Aaiye, Aaiye...

Bade Ghar Ki Bahurani Ke Maje Lijye, Kal Se Din Mein Chaar Baar, 9 Se 12, 12 Se 3, 3 se 6, Aur 6 Se 9... Aur Raat Mein 9 Se 12...

Aage Ka 30 Rupya Aur Peeche Ka 50 Rupya... Aaiye, Aaiye, Aaiye...

7- Santa Aur Banta Ka Ek Rishtedar Hospital Mein Admit Tha

Dono Usko Milne Hospital Gaye. Doctor Ne Operation Theater Ke Bahar Wait Karne Ko Kaha

Operation Theater Ke Bahar Dustbin Mein Surgical Glove Pada Hua Tha.

Santa Banta Usko Kuch Der Tak Dekhte Rahe Fir Achanak Banta Ne Santa Se Pucha

Banta: “Yaar Ye Kya Cheez Hai? Pahle Kabhi Nahi Dekhi”

Santa Ne Kuch Der Socha Aur Bola

Santa: “Yaar Ye To Confirm Hai Ki Ye Hai To Condom Hi, Lekin Shayad Draupdi Ke Jamane Ka Hai“

8- Pati, Patni Aur...

A Newly Married Couple Kept having sex 24x7. Is Vajah Se Woh Kaafi Weak Bhi Feel Karte Hain but They did not Stop. Akhirkaar Wo Ek Doctor Ke Paas Jaate Hain.

Doctor Said: Have Sex only on those days which have "R" in it i.e. ThuRsday, fRiday or SatuRday.

Couple Agreed.

On Monday Husband Asks his Wife: Darling Whats the Day Today?

Wife gives a Naughty smile n says: SomvaaR.

MORAL: Horny Ko Kaun Taal Sakta Hai !!!

9- My First Time...

Do Ladkiyaan Aapas Mein Ek-Dusre Se Baatein Kar Rahi Thi.

Pehli: Kal Mera First Time Tha.

Dusri: Oh Really, Kya Hua?

Pehli: Shuru Mein Dheere-Dheere Andar Liya Aur Dheere Se Bahar Nikaala.

Dusri: Dheere Se Kyun?

Pehli: Unhone Bataya Tha, Pehle Dheere-Dheere Karna Hai.

Dusri: Theek Hai, Phir? Pahli: Pehle 10 Minute Tak Aise Hi Kiya, Badi Mushkil Hui Kaabu Karne Mein.

Dusri: Uske Baad Kya Hua?

Pahli: Phir Thoda Teji Se Liya, Phir Aur Tej... Phir Aur Tez.

Dusri: Hmmmmmm Phir, Pihir Kya Hua?

Pehli: Phir Jhatke Se Andar Leti Gayi, Aur Jhatke Se Bahar Nikaalti Gayi.

Dusri: Oh My God.

Pehli: Saare Room Mein Aawaaz Goonjne Lagi, Kaafi Der Tak Kiya, Teji Se Lete Aur Bahar Nikaalte Hue Dard Bhi Shuru Ho Gaya Tha.

Dusri: Aage Bataaaa, Phir Kya Hua.

Pehli: Bas Yaar Mere Yoga Teacher Ne Kaha Aise Hi Pranayaam Mein Apne Saans Ko Kaabu Karo, Anand Aayega.

10- Chinki Aur Uski Saheli Pinky Class Mein Bethe Baatein Kar Rahe Thhe.

Achanak Pinky Ke Dimag Mein Ek Sawal Aya Aur Usne Chinki Se Puchha.

Pinky: “Chinki Yaar Ek Baat To Bata”

Chinki: “Puch?”

Pinky: “Yaar Hamare Sir Ke Baal Bahut Jaldi Safed Ho Jate Hai Magar Niche Ke Nahi, Esa Kyu Hai?”

Chinky Huste Hue: “Ja Pagli, Itna Bhi Nahi Pata, Niche Ke Baal Sir Ke Balo Se 14 Saal Chote Jo Hote Hai“

11- Santa Apni Shaadi Ke Teen Din Pehle Call Girl Ke Paas Sex Ke Liye Jata Hai.

Call Girl Ko Itna Maja Aa Raha Tha Ke Usne Uske Land Pe Chaki (Bite) Kaat Li,

Santa Doctor Ke Paas Gaya, Doctor Ne Uske Land Per Patti Bandh Ke Tape Lagai Aur Use Achi Tarah Pack Kar Diya.

Jab Teen Din Baad Santa Ki Shaadi Hui To Wo Apni Patni Ke Saath Suhaag Raat Banane Laga. Uski Patni Ne Kaha.

Patni: “Lo Ji Sonyo, Pesh Hai Ek Dam Fresh & Unused Choot”

Santa Ka Dimag Bhi Kam Kiya Aur Vo Bola

Santa: “Tu Fresh Ki Baat Kar Rahi Hai, Idhar Hamne To Aaj Tak Lode Ki Packing Bhi Nahi Kholi“

12- Farak Toh Padta Hai

Teacher Sex Education Ke Period Mein Bachho Ko Samjha Rahi Thia.

Teacher: Sex Ke Time Condom Use Karne Se Safety Bhi Rahti Hai Aur Enjoyment Mein Fark Nahi Padta.

Ek Ladki Jisne Pehle Sex Kiya Hua Tha, Ye Sun Kar Boli.

Mam, Polythene Mein Rasgulla Daal Ke Chooso, Pata Chal Jayega Ki Farak Padta Hai Ya Nahi?

13- Ek Aadmi Ki Nayi Nayi Shadi Hui, November Ka Mahina Thha Aur Kadake Ki Sardi Padd Rahi Thi.

Kamre Mein Aate Hi Vo Rajayi Mein Gussa Aur So Gaya.

Patni Ne Ye Dekha Aur Thodi Der Bad Usko Kohni Mar Ke Boli.

Patni: “Suno Ji, Meri Taango Ke Bich Mein Ek Mori (Hole) Bhi Hai”

Aadmi Ne Ye Suna Aur Gusse Se Bola: “To Band Kar Us Mori Ko, Main Bhi Sochu Rajayi Mein Thandi Hawa Kaha Se Aa Rahi Hai“

14- Bikhari Ne Ek Aadmi Ke Ghar Ka Darwaja Khatkataya Aur Bola

Bhikari: “Babuji, Bhagwaan Ke Naam Par Roti Milegi?”

Babuji: “Akela Hoon Ghar Pe Koi Aurat Nahi Hai”

Bhikari: “Babuji, Taqleef Pet Mein Hai Lund Mein Nahi, Roti Maangi Hai Choot Nahi“

15-  Naughty Quickies

Banta Ki Shaadi Hui Aur Vo Apni Nayi Naveli Dulhan Ke Saath Suhaag Raat Manata Hai.

Preeto: Piche Nahi aage Dalte Hain.

Banta: Tuje Kaise pata?

Preeto: Mera dost Mere Aage Se Dalta Tha.

Banta: Chup Kar Mera dost Mere Pichche Dalta Tha.

16- Cricket Ka Fever...

Sidharth was shaving... comes out of the bathroom bleeding...

Wife: What Happened ?

Sidharth: Blade Ka Baahari Kinara Laga...

Sidharth was Masturbating and his wife came....

Wife: Yeh Kya Kar Rahe Ho ?

Sidharth: Kalaaiyon Ka Behatarin Upyog.

Sidharth was having sex and suddenly the condom tore off but he took out his immediately and shouted...

Bahut Kareebi Maamla Ho Sakta Tha Ye!

Wife: Ekdum se SlKyun Ho Gaye?

Sidharth: Chaturai Se Gati Parivartan Kiya Hai.

Sidharth,s wife: We will do it without condom tonight.

Sidharth: Koi Jokhim Uthaane Ki Avashyakta Nahi Hai.

Sidharth,s wife appears in a new lingerie.

Sidharth: Lalchaane Ki Koshish... Ye Ek Bahut Hi He Romaanchak Sthitee Hai.

17- Santa Roz Biwi Ko Sex Ke Waqt Bolta Tha.

Santa: “Aur Tight Kar – Aur Tight Kar, Achhe Se Tight Kar”

Biwi Tang Aakar Ek Din Gusse Se Boli: “Bhosdi Ke Bahar Jaa Ke Ganne Ke Juice Ki Machine Main Dal Le, Tight Bhi Pura Hoga Aur Juice Bhi Jyada Niklega“

18- Ek Din Kutte Ka Pilla Apni Maa Se Poochta Hai: “Maa Mere Daddy Kaise Tha??”

Maa: “Pata Nahi Beta Piche Se Hi Aaye The Aur Piche Se Hi Chale Gaye… Kuch Pata Nahi Chala“

19- A girl was handling Pappu,s cock for the first time.

After some time few drops came out, she Asked, Ye Kya Hai Pappu???

Pappu: Kuch Nahin, Khushi Ke Aansoo hain...

20- Santa Roz Biwi Ko Sex Ke Waqt Bolta Tha.

Santa: “Aur Tight Kar – Aur Tight Kar, Achhe Se Tight Kar”

Biwi Tang Aakar Ek Din Gusse Se Boli: “Bhosdi Ke Bahar Jaa Ke Ganne Ke Juice Ki Machine Main Dal Le, Tight Bhi Pura Hoga Aur Juice Bhi Jyada Niklega“

21- Pappu Ki Girl-Friend Usko Sex Nahi Karne Deti Thi, Bahut Bar Usne Try Karne Ki Koshish Ki Par Kamyabi Na Mili

To Pappu Ke Dimag Mein Ek Din Idea Aya Aur Vo Apni Girl-Friend Ko Bola

Pappu: “Doggy Style Mein Sex Karne Se Aankhon Ki Roshni Bhadti Hai?”

Girl-Friend Hairani Se Boli: “Achha, Tumhe Kaise Pata?”

Pappu: “Kya Kabhi Kisi Kutte Ko Chasma Lagaye Dekha Hai?”

——–

Aap Logo Ka To Pata Nahi Par Apni Ankho Ki Rohsni Bhadane Ke Chakkar Mein Ladki Ne Pappu Ke Sath Sex Kar Liya Tha

22- Pappu Aur Paheli

Ek School Mein Madam Ne Bachchon Se Kaha: Aaj Kuch Mazedaar Paheliyan Puchti Hun, Jara Sochkar Jawab Dena.

Bachche: Ji Madam.

Madam: Aisa Kaun Sa Paan Hai Jisko Khaya Nahin Jaa Sakta?

Saaal Sunte Hi Pappu Zor-Zor Se Hasne Laga... Yahan Tak Ki Haste Haste Neeche Bhi Gir Gaya.

Madam: Kya Hua Pappu? Itni Hasi Kyun Aa Rahi Hai??

Pappu: Kya Madam, Aap Bhi Na Kaise Kaise Sawaaal Karti Hain? Iska Jawab Hai "Stanpan".

Madam: Nalayak, Gadhe... Iska Jawaab Hai Japan... Jab Dekho Ulti-Seedhi Baatein Sochte Rehte Ho, Nikal Jao Meri Class Se....

23- Ye Tab Ki Baat Hai, Jab Pappu 5th Class Mein Thha.

Uski Class Ki Ek Teacher Pregnant Thhi, Usko Dekh Ke Ek Din Pappu Bola

Pappu: “Madam Aapko Beta Hone Wala Hai Ya Beti?”

Madam Bade Pyar Se Boli: “Ye Baat Mujhe Kaisi Pata Hogi?”

Pappu: “Madam Mujhe Pata Hai Aapko Kya Hone Wala Hai, Aapko Ladka Hone Wala Hai”

Teacher Hairani Se: “Arey, Tujhe Ye Baat Kaisi Pata?”

Pappu: “Mam Vo Jab Aap Chair Pe Pair Utha Ke Beth Ti Ho To Ander Se Uski Mooche Dikhti Hai“

24- Jija Aur Saali in a Sunsaan Jungle

Ek Aadmi Apni Saali Ke Saath Ek Sunsaan Jungle Se Ja Raha Tha.

Sali: Jija Ji Kahin Aap Is Mauke Ka Phaida Utha Ke Mere Saath Zabardasti Toh Nahin Karenge?

Jija: Tumhe Dikhta Nahi Mere Ek Haath Mein Bakri Aur Danda Hai, Aur Doosre Haath Mein Murga, Rassi Aur balti Hai. Main Kaise Kuch Kar Sakta Hoon.

Sali: Kyon Nahi Kar Sakte, Agar Aap Danda Zameen Mein Gaad Ke Rassi Say Bakri Ko Baandh Do, Aur Balti Ko Ulta Karke Murge Ke Upar Rakh Do Toh Aap Sab Kuch Kar Sakte Ho, Mujhe Aapse Bahut Dar Lag Raha Hai...................

Moral of the story: Man is always innocent. Women gives ideas...

25-Ek Ladki Ka Dil Chay Peene Ko Kiya

Par Jaise Hi Usne Fridge Khola To Usmein Doodh Hi Nahi Tha

Tabhi Use Idea Aya, Vo Apne Kamre Mein Gayi

Apne Kapde Utaare, Naye Kapde Pahne Aur Market Se Doodh Leke Aayi Aur Fir Chay Banake Pee.

Arey Aap Logo Ne Kyu Apna Pakad Liya Tha, Joke To Pura Veg Tha

26- Swimming Pool Me Tairne Wale, Ghas Nahi Dekha Karte,

Sachhe Ashiq Karne Ke Pahle, Aas Paas Nahi Dekha Karte,

Jaldi Se Chod Ke Chale Jaate Hain, Chodne Wale,

Ladki Buri Hai Ya Jhakkas Ye Bakwas Nahi Dekha Karte.